I am that Woman

Motherhood is hard.

Lately, motherhood has been harder for me than usual. Maybe it's the lack of sunshine, maybe it's the chill in the air, maybe it's that I want to curl up and hibernate for the winter [but can't].

It's not that the specific tasks of motherhood are so difficult; rather, it's the challenge of accomplishing those tasks, day after day with little or no respite, accompanied by two spirited and demanding children, and attempting to stay sane and maybe even joyful in the process.

Yes, I have been finding that difficult, indeed.

Being a mother has taught me lesson after lesson about myself. It is safe to say that I have never before experienced the quantum leap of personal growth that I have experienced since becoming a mother. I have been shown the image of my highest self, and I have seen the shadow sides of my soul. I know what kind of mother, and person, I want to be [the kind that handles the daily exuberance of life with grace, integrity, love, and joy]. I strive to be that woman every day. But sometimes it is really, really hard.

Whatever it is that has been afflicting me lately, it sure has been knocking me off center. Gently I pull myself back. Again and again. And even though I don't like those trips into the realm of my craziness, I do learn something every time I come back.

I've learned that living a joyous life doesn't always happen spontaneously. It takes work; it takes awareness. It takes me looking around and realizing that all the craziness is not happening outside of me, but within my own head. It's not my kids making me crazy [ok, well maybe sometimes], it's not all I have to do that's making me crazy - I am creating the craziness for myself. When I reach that awareness, I can change my perspective and see my blessings. Look around with gratitude. Take time to nourish my Self. And then I can open myself up to the joy inherent in my being.

Every time I lose myself, I come back even stronger. With more awareness. With more wisdom.

I will be that mother I strive to be, that woman.

In fact, I am her already.

*Gratitude*